Questions A Couple May Ask Before Considering Marriage

Love doesn’t just last. It grows with intention. The truth is, in any long-term relationship, the possibility exists that one or both partners may feel like they're falling out of love. But that doesn’t mean love is gone or that it has to end. Love evolves. You won’t always “feel” the same butterflies, but love was never meant to be just a feeling, it’s a daily commitment.

Marriage thrives when both people are willing to show up, especially during the hard seasons. It takes two to make it work, it’s not a solo act. Just like it takes both hands to clap, it takes both hearts fully invested to build something lasting.

Cultivate your connection by nurturing friendship, emotional closeness, and engaging in shared experiences that foster intimacy. If you’re struggling to reconnect, seeking help from a relationship counsellor or therapist isn’t failure, it’s wisdom.

Most importantly, your marriage will only grow as much as each of you is willing to grow individually. Personal development fuels relational growth. Keep choosing each other, even on the days it feels hard. That’s how lasting love is built.

Before stepping into marriage, it’s important for a couple to honestly explore their compatibility and not just at a surface level. Compatibility goes far beyond liking the same colours, foods, movies, or weekend hobbies. Those things are nice, but they don’t build a lasting union.

What really matters is how you handle conflict and differences, how you support each other in hard times, and whether your God-given purposes align and complement one another. Ask yourselves:

• Are we team-minded, or do we tend to think individually?
• Do we share the same spiritual beliefs and vision for life?
• Are we growing in the same direction, or are we pulling away into separate lanes?

If your answers to these deeper questions (and more) are very different, don’t ignore them. Instead, slow down. Talk more. Reflect. Pray. Compatibility isn’t about being the same, it’s about being able to walk together with unity, peace, and purpose.

Remember, spiritual alignment creates a foundation that can withstand life’s challenges. When both hearts are surrendered to growth individually and together, you’ll find that compatibility can be cultivated through grace, maturity, and shared vision. Don’t just look for agreement, look for alignment.

Doubt doesn’t always signal danger, it often whispers from a place of fear: fear of change, fear of not being enough, fear of the unknown. You might wonder, Will I be a good spouse? Will our love last? Will this marriage truly stand the test of time? These are normal, human questions.

What matters most is discerning the root of those doubts. Are they coming from temporary anxiety, or are they revealing a deeper misalignment between you and your partner?

Ask yourself:

• Are my doubts about my partner, or about the pressure to be perfect?
• Do I feel seen, safe, and respected in the relationship?
• Am I being honest with myself or just trying to talk myself into it?
• If I needed to pause this wedding, would it be out of fear, a need for clarity, or a desire not to make a mistake?

Marriage is more than a celebration, it’s a covenant. It’s sacred. If you’re feeling unsure, don’t panic, pause and pray.  Reflect. Speak openly with your partner. Reach out to a relationship counsellor or spiritual leader. Doubts, when faced with courage and truth, can lead to deeper clarity.

Being honest about your doubts isn’t weakness, its wisdom, maturity, and a sign of deep respect for what marriage truly is.

Yes, and that’s completely normal. Over time, a couple’s intimate life will evolve. Passion may rise and fall. Life’s demands, whether stress, parenting, health, or emotional shifts can affect desire and rhythm. But that doesn’t mean your sex life gets worse, it’ll just change in ways that reflect your real-life bond, not just the honeymoon spark.

What helps in these seasons is open and loving communication, staying curious about each other, and nurturing intimacy outside the bedroom through shared laughter, meaningful conversation, and daily connection. When couples make each other a priority, even amid a busy life, intimacy grows in new and beautiful ways.

From a spiritual lens, marriage is a sacred journey, and intimacy is not just about passion, it’s about deep trust. As your relationship matures, your physical connection should reflect security, grace, and love, becoming richer with time.

So don’t fear the changes, embrace them as part of the journey. Intimacy isn't about staying the same, it’s about growing together through every season. When both partners stay present, patient, and intentional, even the quiet moments can become protected.

True connection isn’t just physical, it’s about feeling emotionally close and safe with your partner. When you’re able to share your thoughts, fears, dreams, and struggles, you build something real: a relationship grounded in honesty and mutual care.

Still, opening up isn’t easy for everyone. Trust takes time. It’s not about spilling everything at once; it’s about building a space where both individuals feel respected and accepted for who they truly are.

Healthy emotional closeness looks like:

• Gently saying, “Can I share something that’s been on my heart?”
• Listening without judgment or rushing to respond.
• Offering      curiosity and compassion instead of reacting defensively.
• Honoring each other’s timing without pressure.

Remember, emotional closeness grows in quiet, consistent moments. Honest talks, small acts of care, kindness, and just being present.  Over time, these moments create a bond that feels safe, steady, and authentic.

Talking about dealbreakers is not a threat, its wisdom, its healthy and necessary. Dealbreakers aren’t ultimatums; they’re personal boundaries that protect your emotional safety, core values, and overall well-being. 

It’s not about being rigid but about being honest about what you need to feel secure and respected in the relationship.

When shared with love and clarity, dealbreakers help both partners understand what’s non-negotiable, what’s deeply important, and what would deeply affect the health of the relationship if left unaddressed. Love calls for grace, but grace doesn’t mean ignoring harmful patterns.

Knowing your dealbreakers and sharing them openly is a sign of emotional maturity. It helps prevent confusion, resentment, or silent expectations. It also invites both partners to engage with intentional love and mutual respect.

Dealbreakers should be discussed early, respected mutually, and revisited as the relationship evolves. They’re not walls, they’re guardrails that helps your love grow strong, foster safety and security, and commitment to each other.

Unresolved feelings don’t always mean your partner wants to go back and repair their previous relationship with their ex, it might just mean they haven’t fully processed what that past relationship meant, or how it ended. Still, it’s not something to ignore.

What matters most is how it’s being handled:

• Transparency: Has your partner been open about it, or did you pick up on it through subtle signs?
• Respect: Are those unresolved feelings affecting your connection emotionally, mentally, or physically?
• Willingness to heal: Is your partner actively working through it, seeking closure, or even open to individual counselling so they can fully invest in your relationship?

You deserve a partner whose heart is fully present, not partially elsewhere. It’s okay and wise to gently ask:

• “Have you made peace with your past?”
• “Is there anything you feel you haven’t fully let go of?”
• “What would help you move forward with clarity and peace?”

Love allows for understanding, but never at the cost of emotional safety. The goal isn’t perfection, but honesty and intentional healing, so you both can move forward together.

Healing from betrayal is possible, but a couple doesn’t simply bounce back once trust is broken. 

Trust must be rebuilt through daily commitment, time, honesty, and consistent effort, only if both partners truly want to restore the relationship.

Marriage doesn’t magically change old patterns; it often reveals the truths already beneath the surface. So instead of just fearing “what if,” ask yourself:

• Has genuine accountability taken place? Not just regret, but true      responsibility, remorse, and a sincere desire to repair the relationship.
• Are new boundaries, healing habits, and honest communication established?
• Has trust been rebuilt through consistent actions, not just empty words?
• Do you feel emotionally safe, or just afraid to bring things up?

Marriage requires trust, meaning both partners must be fully committed not only to each other but also to doing the hard work when things fall apart.

Finally, forgiveness plays an important role in healing from betrayal. Love hopes for the best, but wisdom carefully watches the results. If you choose to get married, let it be because you’ve both grown, experienced meaningful healing, and demonstrated that your relationship is now grounded in truth, emotional safety, and integrity.